Monthly Archives: November 2011

The 5 things I learned from The Lord of the Rings

Sam, wanna be my best friend?

Obsessed. That is the word I would use to describe my realtionship with The Lord of the Rings. Well, the movies. I have witnessed this greatness of a trilogy several times; my favorite is The Return of the King. And through all this precious-ness, I have come to appreciate the little messages LOTR has incorporated. Thus, the things I have learned from three spectacular movies:

1. I would be lucky if Samwise Gamgee was my best friend
I hate to say that I’m jealous of that dipshit Frodo. But I am, because he has Sam. So jealous! Sam is the epitome of what a BFFL should be like. Even when Frodo was being a total bitch and told Sam to go home, Sam knew better and chose to stick around. Not only did he stick around, but he stabbed the beasty spider. He then proceeded to save that little bitch. What a great friend. And then greatest line ever: “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!” God, what a supportive person! He recognizes the burden and is willing to share it. He carries Frodo on his shoulders up a steep inclined volcano. That scene continues to make me speechless

2. Never go into a dark tunnel
Never! No good can come of it! There was no light at the end of this tunnel either! Frodo was entangled and met with all sorts of nastiness. The tunnel is like the modern day white van with a male driver: you just don’t go into it.

3. It would be a good idea to learn combat
Every single character in the movie has at least one memorable scene, and all the time it involves some sort of violence with a sharp weapon. And it looks so cool! If I could weild a sword, I could do great things with it. And who knows, I could probably protect myself against that guy in the white van.

4. Everybody finds their certain someone
Eowyn was hot for Aragorn, but then she was rejected when she found out about that elf Arwen. Sorry, but Eowyn mortal being could never compete with Arwen’s flawless elf skin. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. But then along comes Faramir! And honestly, the ginger and blonde combo looks pretty good. So, really, the day when Aragorn rejected Eowyn was the best day of her life.

5. White is the best color to wear
Forget OxyClean! Middle Earth did not need it at all because they never got dirty. Well, Gandalf never got dirty. And he wore white. All the time. Gandalf wore white during battle, while riding a horse, and while eating. And that angelic white cloth was never stained with orc blood, dirt, or crumbs.


A warning for Collegeboard

Dear Collegebaord,
     Ah, so we meet again. Only this time, I’m not being faced against your AP test, yet your other, darker spawn of evil: the SAT. What makes your creation so feared is that it is 10 sections of doom and almost four dreadful hours. But what almost kills me is the fact that you choose to administer the test on a Saturday. At 7:45. Thus, I awaken at an ungodly hour to prepare myself for battle.
     My pencils are as sharp as a blade. My calculator is loaded with fresh batteries. My snack is tucked away in a Ziploc. I am ready with all my tools. Yet, my biggest weapon that I shall weild upon you tomorrow is my brain! Muhahaha! You may have prepared some crazy distractors, yet I will conquer them. You may have included an extra Critical Reading section, but that’s the one I studied most for. You may have ensured that an evil proctor minion with bad body odor will create a distracting environment. I don’t have anything for that, so one point for you.
     But despite your evil plot, I will succeed! My brain of steel will outsmart your smarty pants and conquer! So put anything at me, really. I have faced your ridiculous nature and photography prompts, so give me another stupid prompt, like food. Bring it! I’m ready Collegeboard.
     See you tomorrow promptly at 7:45. Watch out, because I will own you.

Mia Colvin
SAT Champion